Have you ever experienced when everything around you speaks of the same message? The sermon you hear from your pastor, the discussion in your favorite Christian radio station, the songs you usually listen to resonates the same theme? This is when you realize that GOD is sending you a message and wants you to focus and reflect on that message.
Well, I had one of those moments recently. And God wants me to reflect on my TRUST IN HIM. It is a timely message as I am in the phase of evaluating the past year and look forward to the New Year. God brought me back to an experience last year where He tested my trust in HIM. God allows tests and trials come our way to test us, to see if we have learned what we heard… if we can apply the truth that we thought we believe.
I was brought back to the past, with extreme self-disappointment, I failed “the test”…failed miserably. I avoided HIM for few days because I know He was not pleased with how I handled the situation. It was a WILLFUL defiance, flat disobedience. My decisions and actions revealed my selfishness, lack of trust, disobedience, and total lack of dependence on Him.
There was only so much avoiding I could do before I found myself pouring my heart out to God…
“I thought I trusted you…But now I know my TRUST in you is significantly limited. What I thought was TRUST was really just my lack of control over the outcome. When I apply for jobs, when mom got sick, when I cannot really do anything to change the circumstance…I thought I trusted in you. But no, not really! This recent TEST is a rude awakening that I really do not trust you at all. Because as soon as I have the ability to act on something, to change my circumstances…I take into my hands what I should lay at your feet. I CHANGED my circumstance without regard to your desires. And I am hurting inside because of guilt, because of shame, because I HURT you…deeply. And I am so sorry. “ “I know you were not pleased because you do not delight in evil. I know you are a just GOD and I know you will punish evil doers. But I also know you are a merciful God, a loving God, and a forgiving GOD who delights in those who come back and repent. I will accept your discipline… because I know You will deliver it with Grace…” “Be patient with me oh Lord, for I am feeble and weak, may your spirit strengthen me; indwell me with your Spirit, but I need to empty myself of my ego and allow You to have full control of my being.”
Tomorrow would be a better day, a new day with HIM because HE provides new mercies every morning. I will claim HIS promise that if I confess my sins, HE is FAITHFUL and JUST, and will cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness. That He bore ALL my sins – both my past and future sins…that HE had paid the ransom…that nothing will separate me from HIS love, not even sin…for He is my righteousness.
Tomorrow will be a new day, another opportunity to heal…to draw closer to HIM, and I am hoping that when another TEST comes my way, I will be victorious! When the next test comes, I will be utterly dependent on Him.