I was lying awake one night thinking about all of my memories when it hit me. My earliest memory as a child is being held by my “Aunt” Claudia and having someone else want to hold me. I remember being a child who was fought for. A child that people wanted to hold and take care of.
As I let my mind wander (which can become a very discouraging pastime); thoughts rolled in and out of my head and pulled me in to fear or insecurities as I fight back tears that I can’t keep inside. I kept going back to this thought: I want to be fought for. I don’t want a love that gives up when the going gets tough. I want someone to fight relentlessly for me, not out of obligation but out of love. I want to know that someone else believes in me enough to fight for my heart and attention.
I think that’s what we all want. We want to know that at the end of the day we are worth being loved. But do we realize that we are? Oh, to know that our hearts are worth fighting for in spite of mistakes we have made. That there would be nothing that would ever turn someone away.
I have this beautiful image in my mind of God fighting for me because I am His precious child; of Him wanting to hold me and take care of me. The God who created everything, loves me enough to fight for me. God knows how fickle my heart can be, yet He is always constant. He knows what mistakes I’ve made and yet He doesn’t toss me aside and say “I’m done; this is too hard.” No, He continues to pursue me not because He has to but because He WANTS to. He never has a moment or regret about doing so.
God fought for us all when He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us. God knew that the only way He could get closer to us was to sacrifice His son. When I read Matthew 27:51, I love the picture and reality of the veil of the temple being torn. The veil represented the barrier between where God was and where we were. God was in the part of the temple where only the priest could enter once he was cleaned, a part we could not approach. Before, whenever I imagined the veil being torn, I would think that it was done so we could enter that exclusive area behind the veil – to approach God and have a relationship with Him. But it goes both ways! It’s ALSO so God could come closer to us like He never could before. God would have been just fine if He didn’t tear that veil; he doesn’t need us the way we need Him. But He wanted to because He wants us even if we don’t want Him back! Ever since Adam and Eve ate that apple, God was separated from the creation that He loved. But that never stopped Him from wanting us and finding ways to be with us. Until finally he ripped the veil and rush to us, His beloved. That is so much better than a hero riding on a horse to rescue you. Our hero, our God didn’t want to spend an eternity without His beloved children, so fought for our hearts and brought us back to Him.
I want that kind of love, the kind that fights for me. I know that I have this kind of love because He I’ve seen how He never gives up on me.
"The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” ~ Zephaniah 3:17